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chinita_kristi
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Name: Kristi
Location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida, United States
Birthday: 6/29/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Hmmm....I spend so much time at school that I'm beginning to forget what I do for fun :) When I have a bit of time I enjoy playing guitar (preferably on a beach) reading (something for fun!), or just playing with my friends (y'know, the goofy ones) :)
Expertise: Unfortunately, not a whole lot. My current expertise is that I can probably get you seated at a table and get the right kind of coffee to ya! Hey, that's what the restaraunt industry does to ya
Occupation: Student
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  chinitakristi
MSN: chinita629
Member Since:
3/8/2005
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| Here’s part of my story
I’ve been hurt
Pretty bad at times
More than I’ve allowed myself to feel
I like to say that no one can hurt me
But that’s not true
Nor would I want it to be true
I have a tender heart
Commercials sometimes make me cry
There
I admitted it
But more than that, I love my friends and family deeply
(I’m sorry I don’t tell you this more often)
And I am not afraid of being painfully honest
It hasn't always been this way
But I'm learning
This is my covenant to you
I will walk with you, beside you
It won’t be easy
Remember that I am still human
This means I will fail
We all do
But without risk
There can be no gain
I’m willing to risk it all
At any rate
What I’m learning in life is this:
Everyone has a story
Everyone
Stop chattering
Listen for a moment
You’ll be surprised, incredulous at times
No one is above pain
Sometimes pain is the only thing that reminds us we’re alive
Numbness, fabricated emotional immunity
These are our flawed responses to our hurt
We polish our perfected veneers of ideality
It’s a sense of accomplishment if we can convince others that we live in “perfect”
(Not an adjective, but actually live in perfect, as a noun)
I’m also a giant nerd
But you know that!
Back to “perfect”
Let’s drop the show
It is ok to not be “ok”
Stop
Think about that for a minute
Don’t just brush it off
It is ok to not be “ok”
It’s also ok to be ok
Even when everyone else thinks you shouldn’t be
Know your own heart
When people ask how you are
Tell them
Tell them how you really are
They might not listen
Ok, let’s be serious
Most of them will not listen
But maybe one will
Maybe it will encourage one more person to be real
And every now and again
You be the one to do the asking
And when someone comes back at you with cold, hard truth
You be the one to do the listening
And truly listen
Cliché answers don’t help anyone
Period
Sometimes answers aren’t needed at all
Listen
Learn
Repeat
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| Dear Friends – I would ask for your prayers especially this week. With Christmas rapidly approaching I am finding it affecting me in ways that I don’t feel prepared for, nor was I expecting. Since we began singing Christmas music at church a few weeks ago, I have found myself missing my mom more than I ever have. This is the fourth Christmas since she’s been gone, but my first on my own. So, I find myself singing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” and the like with tears mostly on the inside and a few escaping to the outside. In psychology we call these incidents, “sudden, temporary, upsurges of grief,” in real life we call them “days that suck.” ?
Wolterstoff sums it up it well, writing, “The worst days now are the holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Pentecost, birthdays, weddings January 31 – days meant as festivals of happiness and joy now are days of tears. The gap is too great between day and heart. Days of routine I can manage; no songs are expected. But how am I to sing in this desolate land, when there is always one too few?” Please don’t misunderstand me, I have not overlooked the reality of Christmas and the beauty of God’s love exemplified – He is more real to me now than ever. I find myself overwhelmed with security in the truth of His promises. Isaiah 41:10 - “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Well, that’s it for the “transparency” – thanks for listening. ? I’ll see y’all Sunday and I will do my best to participate. I trust the Lord to bring that congruency between “day and heart” as He can do so well.
Love,
Kristi
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| Dear Mr. David,
I am twenty-one years, three months and fourteen days old. Most days I feel like I am thirty-five, some days I feel like I am seventeen, and the other random percentage of days I feel I am all that epitomizes existence as a twenty-something. By twenty-something I mean that curious phase of not-really-adulthood in which we are all supposed to figure out what-on-the-green-earth we're going to do with our lives in addition to figuring out who-in-the-vast-universe we are! A rather daunting and unpleasant task wouldn't you agree? And yet the odds are in my favor - most folks really do make it.
What is it that defines me as "me"? This is, of course, entirely rhetorical. If a summation of words were all that was necessitated to coalesce the many facets of me into a character of desirable qualities, this whole notion would be much simpler. Instead I find that I am a fanciful individual of epic proportions. I follow a whim as easily as an autumnal leaf, drifting along in the crisp breeze. Yet contemporaneously I am a resolute individual; tenacious in my strivings for personal achievement and enrichment in every aspect of tangible actuality.
In this phase of existence, decisions yet to be exacted war internally and these conflicting interests catalyze the rumblings of transformation. Poised on the precipice of the future the dilemma is to embrace the comfortable and secure or to engage in the exhilaration of adventure presented by the essence of the unknown. Even so, metamorphosis is inevitable even to the most resistant of individualists. "Search me, Oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." | | |
| I am a dreamer! :) I know that I don't write in this thing as often as I should, but it's definitely not for lack of exciting happenings in my life :) The quick updates: I'm officialy moved (to the right side of the bay) :), I'm officially single (I saw it coming), I'm so in love with my God (Nothing more to say.) I feel like I'm finally settling into a place and stage in my life where I might linger for a bit. It's as if I'm finally home - I have a home, a new church family, a new focus, a renewed passion for life. There's quite a few things yet to to be accomplished and set into motion, but I think that I am learning better what it means to take one day at a time.
Roommates are great. God has definitely given me some good ones! :) It's been such a blessing to be in a real "home" again, an atmosphere to which the one-eyed dog definitely contributes. Here's a scene: dancing around to the soundtrack of Pride and Prejuidice, while making chocolate chip cookies with the one-eyed dog from antiquity gazing on with adoration it it's eye. Yes, only one eye. Ha ha :) Perhaps a bit over dramatic, but amusing nonetheless. And then there was yesterday at three in the morning, while wandering around our small neighborhood with an array of flourescent garage sale signs, we saw the brightest shooting star I have ever seen. It was incredible! We also got stopped a few times by concerned police officers, attempting to discern whether or not we were extremely inebriated or just plain strange. Fortunately we were able to convince them of the latter, but that was probably a given, eh? :)
Well, that's all for now....Please come and visit! I'm getting slightly better at not working so much....:) You know you want to meet the one-eyed dog! I love y'all!
~Kristi
"Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You. I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands. Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me."
Ha ha.....and you thought there was going to be something about chubby men.....:) But there isn't.....because the only thing to say is....Anna, I love ya! You're so great! :) | | |
| Dear Mr David,
As cliche as it may sound, I am discovering that time is the ultimate healer. It is funny how in certain circumstances our memories become clearer as greater lengths of time pass. Perhaps it is becauses in the face of such great pain and loss the heart shuts itself off. One of tragedies in refusing to feel is that the good memories are often repressed along with the bad. In doing so, we become numb as individuals. We humans seem to be excellent at shutting our emotions off which reduces us to nothing more than mere shell of the person we used to be. I often find myself asking, "what happened to happy Kristi?" It seems that I have forgotten what it is to dance, what it is to sign. Instead I find that I am easily caught up in the jilted cynacism that is so characteristic of this world. I don't want to be like that!
Along with this, it is interesting to observe how one's perspective changes with time. Originally I thought (and would have told you - well, I probably did tell you) that strong people don't grieve. I had so thoroughly convinced myself that I was strong and I did not need to cry or mourn this loss. (thank by the way for being one of the only people who would let me cry over this). Now, I realize that it takes a very strong person to be able to grieve. It takes more strength to be real and admit that we can't hold everything together than it does to hold it in and pretend that everything is fine. The latter only exacerbates the circumstances and provides a false sense of security and "togetherness." I think it was you who told me that grieving is an acknowledgement that a life was loved and it held significant importance to us. I have found that statement to be more true than I can even express to you....So much to learn! Well, that's a bit of what I'm learning lately :) Thanks for listening....
Kristi | | |
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